Dumplings, Death, and Jerks
by b.chey
Summary: Nothing else seems certain. Two years after the last episode. Waitress Fuu has a surprise run in with a very drunk customer who won't stop complaining about the town's lack of brothels. Ugh, and Fuu was just starting to settle down!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai Champloo

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"Naoko-san, I'm so sorry that I'm late," Fuu said apologetically. She was normally very punctual, but the tea house had been so busy lately that the owners had shortened her lunch, and an hour was just not long enough for Fuu to run her weekly errands. She probably could have been faster, but the market always seemed to put Fuu into a dreamy haze where time had little meaning.

"It's ok Fuu. We haven't been too busy. Some guy got really drunk and he is harassing everyone who comes near here, so no one is coming in. I've been hiding back here ever since he pinched my butt."

Poor Naoko, blushed just talking about it.

"What a pig!" Fuu said, balling her fist and biting her lip. "Sometimes I wish this town did have brothels, then those horney jerks might leave classy girls like us alone. He's lucky that Itsuki is out of town, or that guy would really regret bothering you!"

Naoko blushed at the mention of her fiancé and both of the girls giggled.

Actually, a little over a year ago, when Fuu had wondered in on this town and learned that it had a law against prostitution, she'd figured that it would be the perfect place to settle down. It was especially appealing since she had pretty bad luck when it came to getting kidnapped and locked in brothels.

Fuu couldn't help it if she was really cute and she decided that since she also must also have an irresistible way about her, which made her vulnerable to kidnappings, it was best to avoid getting anywhere near brothels. Just the other day some old guy had noticed her looking at a beautiful obi in the market.

"My dear, that obo would be very beautiful on you. I would be happy to purchase it for you if. . ." Then the dirty old man had lowered his voice and suggested some stuff that made Fuu feel embarrassed just remembering. Eww!

She was still pondering her troublesome cuteness when Naoko's mother, Chie, walked in, "I'm sorry to do this to you girls; I know that you're hiding from that obnoxious man but he just cut someone's toe off, and I could use some help cleaning up." Seeing the annoyed look on the Fuu's face and the nauseous one on Naoko's, she continued "Umm, Fuu, if you wouldn't mind; don't worry, the one man went ran out of here, and the other is so drunk that he fell asleep."

"I didn't hear any shouting?" Fuu said confused.

"It was pretty fast. One minute the man was bragging about a fight he'd won a few days ago, and the next minute the other man had sliced off his little toe. The poor man was trying so hard not to cry; he ran out without even paying!" She gave Fuu a motherly look, "This is why it is best to show humility."

Fuu blushed and pulled together the front of her kimono. She knew that the older woman was referring to the increased amount of attention she'd been getting from men. Fuu was well aware of her changing figure and really needed to get a larger kimono since the one that had always been a little baggy on her was starting to become. . . a little revealing in some places.

Fuu lugged the bucket of water to the bar and when she set it down she got a good look at the man on the bar stool. He was definitely asleep. His mouth was open and he was drooling on the bar. Fuu scrunched up her face and narrowed her eyes. His messy hair and red jacket were unmistakable. She watched as one of his geta fell off and clanked to the floor; the other hung loosely from his foot.

"MUGEN!" Fuu said, startling him awake. "You jerk! Why are you causing so much trouble?"

Mugen looked at her, annoyed, "Hey why are you yelling at me? And why aren't there any brothels in this damn town!?"

Mugen put his head back down on the bar.

Did he really not recognize her?

Fuu walked over and smacked his head. She would have smacked him harder, but she was actually very happy to see the scruffy pirate.

Mugen rubbed the back of his head, "Stupid bitches think they can do what ever they want in this town!"

At that, Fuu took off her sandal and smacked him again. Harder. "Hey, you jerk, don't you remember me?"

"Uhhh. . . There are no brothels in this shit hole. . . So unless you're from that town about two days to the east of here. . .No!"

Mugen smiled, now that was a town that knew how to treat its visitors! He was still thinking about all of the brothels in the last town when the stupid girl kicked his shin.

"What the hell?!" Mugen wasn't normally into hitting women, but this one was really asking for it.

"Are you saying that you really don't remember me?!" Fuu was convinced that Mugen was just trying to make her mad. It would be just like him to show up after not seeing each other for so long and pretend that he didn't even know her! She kicked him again.

This time Mugen smiled. Maybe the feisty girl was flirting with him. He might get laid after all. "I'd remember tits like those he said raising an eyebrow."

"I'm Fuu, you jerk!!!"

"Fuu doesn't have any tits." Mugen laughed. . . and laughed as Fuu got madder and madder.

"She's sooo flat that you could make dumplings on her chest!." Mugen laughed some more at his joke.

"You could serve tea on it!" He was laughing so hard that his eyes were tearing "You could. . .Oww!"

Fuu hit him on the back of the head with her sandal and started to hit him again; this time in the face, but he grabbed her wrist and stood up, pining her against the bar.

"Something tells me that you're trying to get my attention." And before Fuu could react Mugen was ramming his tongue down her throat!"

"FUU?!"

Mugen quickly let go of the girl who stumbled at the sudden release of his grip.

It was Chie, who looked shocked and was staring at the very embarrassed Fuu.

Mugen was shocked too, but he was very drunk, so instead of caring that he'd just assaulted poor Fuu he stood confused and wondering how he'd not realized it was her.

He looked at Fuu nonchalantly, "Of course I knew it was you as soon as I kissed you. . .Worst kiss I ever had." He shook his heard and frowned as though he was telling the sad truth.

"I am a great Kisser!"

This time her sandal met its target.

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I plan to add more chapters soon. This one doesn't go too far into the story, but it seemed like a good stopping point.

-I feel like such a loser; I've already had to revise to fix typos!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Champloo

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"You just don't know because you're a drunk loser and I wasn't kissing you back." Fuu crossed her arms over her chest and turned up her nose.

She fumed for a few seconds before realizing that her employer was still staring at her. "Oh, I'm sorry Chie-san this jerk is actually my ex-body guard, Mugen. Remember when I told you about the big journey that I went on to meet my father?"

Chie was still confused, but she nodded anyways deciding that this was not the best time to ask questions. Fuu wasn't her daughter, but she would never allow Naoko to run around with a man like this. Chie hadn't missed his prison tattoos, but those were really just the icing on the cake. This guy had trouble written all over him.

"Why don't we get stuff cleaned up and close a little early, Fuu. Naoko has already gone home to get a little extra sewing done."

Naoko had picked out some beautiful fabrics for new kimonos. While she was not rich, Chie was careful with money and had saved in order to provide her daughter with a few new garments to wear as a married woman. Itsuki was a respectful and hardworking young man from a good family and she was very proud that her daughter would be married to such a worthy man.

"What about Mugen?" asked Fuu.

"I'm certain that your friend is in a hurry to be moving on. This town has little to offer a man of the world."

Mugen smiled at the important sounding term before realizing that this woman was trying to tell him what to do. He looked at the woman who had put a protective arm around Fuu's shoulder. He could tell by the way that she lowered her chin and lifted her eyebrows that she actually thought he was going to do what she was telling him to do.

"Eeh, I've got nowhere to be. I think I'll stay here for a few days." Mugen said, smiling defiantly. "Besides, I haven't even met this Naoko. Pretty name." Now, he was just taunting the poor older woman.

"Actually. . ." Fuu had been about to mention that Mugen had met Naoko, but when she noticed the look on Chie's face, she decided to tell him later. It also looked like he was still really drunk and she didn't want to give him another chance to say something that might get her fired.

Just then someone entered the restaurant.

"Oh, so you want to fight, huh!" It was the guy who's toe Mugen had cut off earlier, but as far as Fuu could tell, it looked like all of his toes were in tack. the only bandage he had on was wrapped across the top of his foot. It looked to Fuu like the only serious injury the man had suffered was to his pride.

"Hmmm. I really just wanted you to stop making so damn much noise,. . . but since you insist." Mugen was grinning which signaled Fuu to move further away from him as he reached for his sword.

"And who are these guys? Cheerleaders?" Mugen said teasing the man who had returned to the restaurant with back up.

"Don't you dare kill then, Mugen! . . or, at least go outside!," Fuu yelled in vain as she ducked behind the bar, pulling the shocked Chie down with her.

"You guys need sweet talkin' or something? What are you ladies waiting for?," Mugen taunted.

It amazed Fuu how inventive Mugen could be in his insults and she wondered if he practiced them to himself. The thought would have been funnier if Fuu hadn't been interrupted by a flying bench almost hitting her in the head.

Fuu peeked from behind the bar and watched as Mugen toyed with the gang of men. Two of them tried to sneak up on him from behind as another jabbed dumbly at his chest.

He leapt out of the way, slicing the side of the man who had been in front of him and spinning in one movement to slash at the other two, who then hovelled to the door in an attempt to escape only to be helped along the way by another flying bench.

Mugen noticed that the man with the hurt foot was standing in back, avoiding the fight. "Hey what's your problem? I thought you wanted a piece of me." Mugen smirked at the man who had been bragging about his combat skills less than an hour earlier. "Scared?"

As he was about to move toward the man, four more men jumped at him. Mugen dropped to the ground spinning and kicking the men, who didn't have enough sense to stagger their distance. He jumped back to his feet and on top of a table, waiting for them to get up. When the first couple of men got up, Mugen tipped the table forward, using the momentum to kick both men in the chest at once, knocking them to the ground.

He turned to fight the other two men, who were charging him from behind, kneeling close to the ground he kicked them in the ankles and slashed at them as they fell and he rose.

As Mugen was rising, the man with the bandaged foot charged him from behind. Mugen quickly spun around and stuck his sword straight out stabbing the man through the abdomen. Mugen stood, yanking the sword out with a spray of blood.

The one man was dead, but the others had made it out, most of them with all of their limbs. Mugen was proud of himself. He only killed one guy. That was almost what Fuu said, so she couldn't get all bitchy with him.

"Look at this mess!" Chie exclaimed, as she came out from behind the counter and surveyed the damage to her little restaurant.

"You don't need to thank me. I didn't like those guys anyways." Mugen said as he stretched his arms and twisted his back.

"Thank you?! Those guys were regular customers." Chie said in disbelief. At that she turned to Fuu, who had followed her out from behind the bar. "And you! How could you bring such a trouble maker to us after all that we've done for you?"

Fuu stood speechless wishing that she could go back to hiding.

"I am sorry Fuu," Chie said sternly, "you seemed like such a nice girl, but now I see that you are not the sort of young woman I want working for me or being friends with my daughter."

"Oh please, Chie-san, don't fire me! I really love it here and I have nowhere else to go." Fuu pleaded, as she saw her new life unraveling before her.

"I really am sorry Fuu, but I have my family to think of, and with the wedding so soon. Well, we are just so fortunate that Itsuki has agreed to marry Naoko. I cannot risk her future just because you want to behave disgracefully and run around with criminals." Chie shook her head in disappointment.

Fuu slumped to the floor in tears.

Mugen was still too drunk to fully see his part in all of this, but as he stood watching Fuu cry, he was feeling a little less proud of himself.

"Come on. Look, you made her cry. If it's that big of a deal I will work to pay off the damage." Mugen suggested to Chie.

Fuu felt a little hopeful. This was a pretty generous offer coming from Mugen and she hoped that Chie would accept.

There really wasn't much material damage in the restaurant, mostly just blood and overturned furniture, but Chie was more concerned about her family's reputation. She really was very sad to let Fuu go. She'd liked the spunky girl from the moment she'd first spoken to her and Fuu had become fast friends with Naoko, but she had also known that Fuu had an unpredictable side which made her impossible to control, and Chie had never felt quite comfortable with this.

"No need. Her wages for this week should be enough. Please just clean this mess, Fuu, and we will consider the debt paid. When you are finished you may come to the house and pick up your belongings." That being said, Chie left. She had to because in so many ways Fuu reminded her of herself as a young woman.

Fuu took a deep breath and dried her tears. Then she picked up her pail, which had been knocked over at some point, and she left to get more water.

Getting fired was not such a big deal. She had been fired before, but she felt terrible for disappointing Chie. Fuu could understand why she was so concerned for Naoko. As a widow, Chie was at the mercy of gossip and rumors, and without a husband, she felt a great deal of responsibly for her daughter's future. Her heart broke when she thought of how disobedient she had been to her own mother, and she worried that her mother might not have know how much she loved her.

When Fuu returned, the body was gone along with any displaced limbs.

Mugen was starting to feel more sober as he watched Fuu wipe the tables and benches. He didn't see why she seemed so upset. What was so bad about losing a job? Mugen got fired from jobs all of the time.

"Fuu sighed, "Why am I so stupid."

He didn't know what to say when women were like this. Mugen thought about Jin. How did he handle this stuff? "Hnnn," Mugen said.

"What did you say?!" Fuu turned angrily from the table she had been scrubbing.

Mugen was a little confused. Why did it work for Jin? "That little brat just liked that guy better" Mugen thought to himself as he scowled.

"This is all your fault, Mugen."

"My fault! How the hell is this my fault? It's not my fault your boss is an old bitch!"

"She's not. She's just. . .Oh, Mugen, I feel like I really let her down." Fuu looked sad again.

Mugen sighed, but not enough for Fuu to notice, just enough to scold himself for caring. "Well, let's get this stuff cleaned up. Maybe she won't be so pissed off when we go over there afterwards."

Fuu felt a little better. Even though Mugen wasn't exactly offering his support, she didn't feel so alone.

Cleaning up after one of Mugen's fights had been a sobering experience for Fuu. She had to change the water many times since the blood turned it completely red so quickly, but with his help in moving the tables and benches around, it hadn't taken too long. Mugen even managed to fix a broken bench, but Fuu didn't have a good feeling as they slowly walked to Chie and Naoko's house where Fuu was staying in a small room.

"So, what have you been doing since we last saw each other." Fuu asked as they walked.

"Ah, mostly the same stuff as before we met, but I did have a real job for a while."

"Really?!" asked Fuu, surprised.

"Yeh, I worked at this really strange bar in a big town. A lot of musicians would play there, and my job was to stand at the door."

"Why would they pay you to stand at the door?"

"It was weird, so many people wanted to come in, but they didn't want any losers in there, so I stood by the door and only let rich guys and beautiful women come in."

"Wow. That must have been really neat, Mugen." Fuu thought it sounded pretty boring, but she didn't think she should say so.

"It was okay, but they were always telling me what to do, so I left."

"I think you should wait out here, Mugen." They had reached the house.

When Fuu knocked on the door Naoko answered. "Oh Fuu, you can't go! You just can't!"

"Well, we cleaned up the restaurant. Do you think your mother would reconsider?" Fuu asked Naoko hopefully.

Naoko lowered her eyes and sighed. "No Fuu, she was pretty determined. But can't you just stay in town anyways?"

Fuu hadn't really thought about that option, she did like the town, but if she was going to try going somewhere else, this was her best chance since she could make Mugen take her with him. "I don't know, Naoko. I think it might be best to leave."

Fuu would be sorry to miss her friend's wedding, but she figured that Chie was probably right. Fuu was not a good friend for Naoko. She knew that if something went wrong, she could always leave and start over, but she worried about what would happen to Naoko if she got into trouble because of Fuu. Naoko was so sweet and shy. Fuu thought about when she had been thrown into a brothel. She had begged the other girls to try escaping, but they were too scared.

"Alright Fuu, I guess that I can understand." Naoko said with a weak smile. "Oh, mother wanted me to give you this." It was a band of pink cotton fabric. "It's for fixing your kimono. She knows how much you love that one, so she looked for some fabric to match. Now you won't have to find a new one."

"Oh Naoko, tell Chie-san that I really appreciate this." Fuu really was happy, she hated the thought of discarding her favorite kimono.

"Fuu, where will you go," asked Chie.

"Well, that pig, Mugen, wants to go back to that town to the east of here, but I would really like to head north where there is a much bigger town. Maybe someone there has heard of our friend, Jin." With that, Fuu hugged her friend.

"I guess this is goodbye for now. I wish you the best luck, Naoko. Just think, the next time I see you, you will be married and have a bunch on babies!" Fuu couldn't help but giggle a little at the thought of poor quiet Naoko with a hoard of toddlers.

Naoko didn't reply. She just hugged Fuu and quietly shut the door.

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Note: I know that a lot of people don't like new characters, but I sort of want this to have an episode format, like the show. If I can pull it off, the main characters will continue to learn, grow, . . .and bond (wink,wink), through their interactions and adventures.


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